Confused. Scared.

It's scary how the internet can tell you about a person more than they can tell you.
I found out a lot about a person that I shouldn't have. Right now I am just shocked and.. I don't know. I think I am scared of that person. Is this person trying to hide who they really are? Am I just a person who you are too embarrassed to show your friends and family? Do you not trust me? Am I even important to you or am I just another girl?
You asked me, when did I realize that I love you? At that moment, I couldn't answer that. To be honest, I don't even know the answer myself. There is so much about you that I don't even know about. I can't truly love you because of that. I wish I can explain how this makes me feel. This relationship is like walking with my eyes closed and deep inside I know that I am walking towards a cliff but I'm hoping that I'm wrong.
Am I just fooling myself into thinking that there's nothing wrong? or am I just scared of finding out the truth?
Truth hurts.
I hate how I am so gullible. Everything he says, I believe. Even if there are obvious proofs, he will find a way to make it look like nothing is wrong. I guess it's my insecurity that is keeping me from accepting the truth.
For now I'm just going to distance myself from him and try to see the bigger picture without the filters...

What Would You Rather Suffer From...

what would you rather suffer from: thinking too much or doing too much?
I came to this question while writing my essay for my history class (should be finishing it now but I'm too distracted by my question)

Wow this question was written a long time ago when I was still in college and now I have graduated.
I want to answer this now since I don't have anything to do and it is an interesting question.

First of all, I would like to explain what I mean by thinking too much and doing too much. What I mean is that one is more on the mental aspect and the other one is more on the physical aspect.

I believe that I would rather suffer from doing too much than to suffer from thinking too much. Every time I think too much, I would get a headache and my mind just shuts down so I wouldn't be able to do anything.

That Mini Heart Attack You Get When...

This happened to me about half a year ago... I had this paper due for my finals and I spent many hours on my computer contributing to it...WHEN SUDDENLY dun dun dun...disaster struck. Power outage in my neighborhood. My computer shut down unsuspectingly and my UNSAVED work just disappeared right in front of my eyes. That mini heart heart attack when the computer screen blacked out in a blink of an eye is forever in my memories. I was yelling and complaining and eventually started crying a bit. T-T About 30 minutes later, power was back on and I quickly turned on my computer to get back to work and try to remember what points I've made in my work. Surprisingly, when I opened word document, I found that they have auto saved my work and SAVED MY LIFE. =D

Lesson learnt: Always save or have back up of your works. You'll never know when your computer will be destroyed or loses it's memories...

Hobby of Mine

Yesterday was the first time for a long time that I have picked up my guitar and start playing again. I remember the first time I played with a guitar was when I need one when I registered for Beginner Guitar Class in my freshman year of college. My first guitar was from eBay... Mann that was a big mistake. I didn't know anything about guitars so I thought my friend and I can get away with a cheap one that costed about 30 bucks. When I first attended my music class, we had to tune the guitar. The eBay guitar couldn't tune right so my professor told us to buy bronze strings. The next class it still couldn't tune with the nicer more expensive strings, so my friend and I decided to just buy a better guitar from Guitar Center. Luckily I read the reviews and did my research including finding coupons and it costed me around $200 including auto tuner, gig bag, and capo. I think it was worth it cause the reviews said that it's a good beginner guitar.
This is my second day of practicing and I think I'm getting the hang of it now. Currently trying to learn how to play Taylor Swift's We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. I think this is easy to play because the chords are just easy to transition to. You just have to move two fingers and the others are the same. Been practicing for about 15-30 mins a day and my fingers hurts but its fun.

School days

-______- I'm always wondering when will I finish school...Now I feel like "omgosh about two more years and I'll be out of here, but what do I do after graduating?! AHHHH" I was planning on going on a vacation after college but I don't know yet. There are so many people that says that they wished they had taken a vacation before working because it'll be hard to get long vacations when you're employed. I'm talking about 1-2 years long. Okay now it's time for me to go to school. Will be back after I come back or not I don't know... If I remember to =] eeekk 13 mins before the bus comes.

Okay, I just came back from school..harharhar. In class today, we had a guest speaker. It was about... Honestly I don't even know what it was all about but I'm guessing it was something about labor rights and unions. I don't know why, but I sometimes find myself lost in these kind of speeches. One because I don't have a good knowledge about the general issues and terms they use. Two, they talk to fast for me to register what they are trying to talk about. Back to the vacation thing I mentioned above. What are some benefits and shortcomings of having a vacation after college? For one thing, I'll be able to go to different places I've never been to before and I can also visit my relatives back in China. The shortcoming of having a vacation after college is that you might miss an opportunity of getting a job and you won't be earning any money instead you have to spend a lot for the trip. So I don't know but I'm leaning more towards having a vacation because school is just stressful and if I were to start work right after college than I'll break down.

Backk

Hello everybody i haven't been on for a long time but today i thought i would share my feelings with you. So i been thinking of letting go my fishy lately and today was the day. I thought it would be very nice to let my fishy go free into the wilds. At first i didn't feel sad or anything but just after letting go my fishy my eyes went watery. Tears started to drop and i don't know why. I was just happy a few minutes ago but after leaving my fishy in one of those golden gate ponds i felt really sad and started missing her. I started to think back about those times when i first got my fishy from a bag of food fishes for my dad's Arowana. I saved her from being eaten and took care of her when she was half my pinkie finger length. The more i think about it the more tears i cried. I just wanted to say that in the beginning you will feel happy but once you let go you will begin to feel sad inside. Is this the feelings i will feel when someone dearest to me leaves? Is this how parents feel when they see that their children all grown up and ready to leave them?

Old man sang to me

So it was Wednesday January 27, 2010 right after school. It was a beautiful day when suddenly, a mysterious old man started singing to me. Well actually it all started when school was over. I walked out of the building of Abraham Lincoln High school and waited for my friends as usual. It was the time when we chatted for a while and my friend's bus came. My other friend decided to take the L down at Taraval to outbound. Oh gosh this getting to long and too much unless details that doesn't really matter, so I'm going straight to the point. AN OLD MAN SANG TO ME!!! THE END =]